I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
