When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
