She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
