can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Randomize
