this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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