Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
dude i'm inner monologue high
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
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