HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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