i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Sext me about skeletons
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
