I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
The power of my boobs compel you
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
