Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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