I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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