college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
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