my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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