Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
