I am spending my child support on dildos
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
