I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
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Some one left their pants in the elevator.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
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You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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