My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
