oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
