So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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