apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
