if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
