I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
