He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
