Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
