The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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