Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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