I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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