When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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