shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
