Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Randomize
