Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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