Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize