the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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