I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
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