I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
