it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Actions speak louder than pants.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
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One blow job doesn not make me gay.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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