hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
