Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
