so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
