If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
