You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
