Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i just had sex bonerless
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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