the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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