i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
