Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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