I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
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