sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
