I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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