guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
