I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
