It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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