that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
