Im at strip club and am horny
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
