Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
