it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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