Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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