that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
