pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm getting married
To pizza
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize