I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
