I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
it's like heaven, but drunker
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
