I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
