Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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