he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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