would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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